Convergence of Families

On the occasion of my daughter's 50th birthday, both biological and adoptive families and friends congregated to celebrate this milestone in her life.

But wait, there's more! This is the first time that both had gathered in one place period. Some of the members of this clan had never met, nor had they ever dreamed that this might be happening one day.

My daughter's adoptive parents hosted the event. Her two brothers and sister were there, two with their spouses. An uncle was there. Biological father was there with his son. My daughter's son and daughter were there, too.  I was there with two of  my sons. My daughter's childhood best friend was there, her coworkers and friends..

 Everyone got to be who they really were and were able to reach out to these strangers who shared a common connection through my daughter's history in this life's time.

When the party was over, all of the biological family present headed for the ocean up the road.  Biological family members shared conversation as we strolled along the beach and as we hung out on the shore or went swimming.

Once back in the parking lot, the conversation went on for a long time. Finally, we all headed out, one of my son's to return home, the rest of us to go to dinner.

Dinner was at my daughter's favorite Italian restaurant where conversations continued, although some of us began to show our age and accompanying tiredness. My son picked up the tab, much to my surprise and delight.

We talked more outside the restaurant, saying good-bye several times before we were able to go our separate ways.

As I reflect on the day, I would have to say that I was relaxed and not overwhelmed by the miracle of such an occasion. Instead, I experienced it as a natural opportunity to gather for a family member's celebration of life.

I could have regrets for not asking the questions I had ready to ask to all, including my sons. Few asked me questions as well.  Nobody said anything about the significance of this gathering.

I am sure that, like myself, there was quite a bit of observing each other's interactions and presence there. I asked myself a lot of questions, including, "Why am I here?".

Beginning in April 2010, I have reunited with my daughter, reconnected with my daughter's biological father and occasioned their meeting, and been part of other connections made And here we were, a goodly representation of the whole family getting to know each other and celebrating our daughter's, sister's, mother's, niece's and friend's very important birthday.

Maybe there are some of this clan who want to get to know each other much better. I have noticed that my daughter knows me as well as she intends. This appears also to be the same for her biological father and adoptive family and I am ready now to get on with my life, completely at peace now.

For her adoptive parents to be so loving of their daughter, that they would invite us all, an act not yet approved of by their social paradigm, brings me great relief. My daughter has not only well taken care of, she has been completely loved for all these years - by the whole very close family.

As a result of this day, and their hosting this event, my daughter no longer has to have any doubts about the beautiful and brilliant woman she has become, if she has any.  There are no more secrets, no more hesitations, no more holding back from being all that life has to offer.

This was, indeed, my daughter's day in the pure love light of Divine's Blessings.

We all have unrequited yearnings through out our lives.  What is your story?

And a Very Old Soul Is She

Don't recall if I took this one or someone else - using it anyway.

Now I am seventy years old. My experience of this reality is one of relief. Finally I can acknowledge that I am an elder in the family and in society. Perhaps I will wait until eighty to become a crone, but maidenhood and motherhood have grown, bloomed, withered, and returned to seed. 

I no longer have to produce anything.

I no longer have to behave "appropriately.

I no longer have to be somewhere on time.

I no longer have to physically present myself in fashion suitable to the social setting.

I no longer have to be other than that which I am and always have been.

This, of course, is true for anyone at any age, but these occur to me now in a powerful way at seventy years old.

I will state for the annals what I have learned about myself, with the intent of now and forevermore being just that with "tidings of comfort and joy".

At heart, I am a solitary journer through this incarnation.

I exist and am One with the Divine Mystery of Life.

I am open to and embrace change, an inevitable reality.

I have a global concrete way of experiencing life, seeing the big picture first .

My social skills suffer in a group life environment, socially and as a worker.

I make decisions based on my intuition, creating meaning and purpose for them later.

I manifest my own life from the dreams I have created.

I am accepting of others ways, and unconditionally forgiving.

I am hypersensitive in many ways, psychic in others.

I am dedicated to alleviating human suffering through a community renewal approach.

Most of all I know I have not been all these qualities with great frequency,

 but intend to honor them as my life and let them exist freely more and more each day.

I expect to be spending my birthday alone. There will be no great surprise party with hundreds of people, delicious gourmet food, and millions of presents, including an account of a life gloriously lived.  But, this year, being alone is perfectly all right. In fact, it makes perfect sense, is a solid foundation for dancing into this elder phase of life. I am now really an old soul and will feel old with joy in my heart.

What have you learned about having lived your life? Are you ready to embrace who you are and dance? 

To do so is a healing exercise in trust.

Mildred Pierce, the Sopranos and I

While watching HBO showing, two in particular - Mildred Pierce and the Sopranos,  I began to realize that they were more than a light escape.

Set during the Great Depression, Mildred Pierce highlighted men's struggle to find work and women's picking up the slack to bring  in enough to meet the families' needs. The main characters are  Mildred Pierce, middle class suburban housewife., and her daughter who had an unwarranted belief that she was better than the common lot of their blue class family and had a sense of entitlement to anything her heart so desired.

After asking myself over and over how her daughter had acquired her habits, it finally occurred to me that this was a story about extreme co-dependence, which I am sure mushroomed during this period in history, given that some seemed to have enough money to drink a lot and there was always someone around to carry on in spite of this. Mildred Pierce had built herself an empire of restaurants, using her housekeeping skills and what turned out to be the bad advise of a financial specialist and friend.

The daughter, having been given absolutely everything she ever wanted, managed to strategize to acquire all of her mother's assets and more and walked away with it all lock, stock, and barrel.

This left Mildred with her husband, who she had divorced and now remarried, and the house where they began their married lives. They were ready to start from scratch.  And so it ended. I wonder if Mildred learned her life lessons?

Then there was the full six seasons of the Sopranos. In case you are not familiar, it revolves around Tony Soprano, the eventual Don of the Mafia family in New Jersey.  Throughout the seasons, Tony was in therapy with Dr. Melfi.

About half way into the first season, I was asking myself about Dr. Melfi's  knowledge of sociopathy - and psychopathy for that matter - and why she didn't just drop this guy, with whom she was wasting her time attempting to guide into a rehabilitated state of being.  At the end, in the final season, she finally gets the message.

This story line was about co-dependence, as well as the story line in Mildred Pierce. The difference lies in the the sociopathic behavior of Tony Soprano and the other men on his "team".  I decided the intrinsic value of the Sopranos was its case study of  qualities of culturally embedded sociopathy, its acceptable behavior in some circles, and a co-dependant society.

Tony's wife, not necessarily a co-dependant at heart, knew what she bought into and lived for its benefits. She was more or less one of the "team". I also found myself wondering about her ability to separate the happiness of having her family and the terror of the source of how she was being sustained.

Having the time on my hands during my convalescence to watch such stories, I, again, asked myself, the purpose of these becoming available for me at this time.

As a result, I have had the opportunity to reflect on my own life experience, especially my role in the communities to which I have belonged.  I could see my co-dependence thriving, in spite of my conscious intentions to have it be otherwise, to be interdependent with a higher purpose in life.

As a result of my reflections, I can deeply feel myself no longer falling into that pit of self-destruction.

And instead, here I am, totally grateful for no longer having to earn a living and for no longer having to do what it takes to be acceptable to a community's or another person's standards.

When have you experienced yourself as co-dependant and having to make some new decisions about how you will relate to it?

Thrive or Survive

Iii  I need open heart surgery, not for longevity, although that may be a benefit. The choice is either have the surgery trusting that all will go as intended OR not have the surgery and slowly deteriorate with an increasingly limited life. Of course I would prefer such a life altering choice to either marry Brad Pitt or not or make the call for a world at peace or not. 
I'm struggling with having to go through physical hell to get to physically hearty and healthy with energy to really enjoy living. Right now I am happy, but am promised that I can be happy AND healthy again. Cancer was easy to endure and then cure compared to the mere thought of a power saw ripping its speedy teeth into my rib cage, let alone a scalpel slicing my heart open.

The choice is to either thrive while alive or survive substandardly, whatever time I have until this life's time is complete. Although not quite so dramatically, this either/or choice is a daily option for us all.

I have until next Tuesday to decide. I say thrive now, but I want it to be a deep resolve.

Wish me courage to choose to suffer awhile before  thriving fully is my new life style.

Recall a life altering choice you were challenged by. Did it take courage to choose life? What was the outcome?

The Angry Subpersonality

Journey to Wholeness,  by Judi White

Recently,  a colleague of yore asked me if I have worked out my anger. This experience of me as an angry person goes back to the early 80's.

Given my journey of the past thirty years, I can confidently proclaim that I am one with accepting totally, radically, and unconditionally, that which are the seeds of my anger.  

Tempted to share the journey, I instead shared that I am now a psychotherapist. I do not primarily identify myself as a psychotherapist, but I intended to communicate that we are living today, not thirty years ago, and sit around the table as such.

I was guided at one point to understand and experience that others, especially those close, reflect that which we are experiencing within our own beings. By, releasing the anger within myself,  then others would begin to reflect the result.

Events in my life had contributed to the anger. I had to dig deep into my own life experiences to encounter that which seeded the dominance of an angry subpersonality.  I met significant experiences, remembered them as fully as I was able, brought them into the present, and embraced them with the light of unconditional acceptance  of the whole life experience that they were. 

No one ever asked why I was angry, and no one really needs to know.

I also considered that there is more to this angry subpersonality than my own past experiences. I also was a reflection of another's chronic anger, seeded from a separate complex of life experiences. To complete the healing of the anger would surely include the transformation of all concerned.  That wasn't an option, so I created new boundaries, so to cut the attachment to that angry relationship upon which my angry subpersonality was feeding.

This healing act also includes unconditionally loving and accepting the whole experience of that relationship. 

I get angry. It is a natural experience of living.

However, I now am in the habit of easily accessing the seeds of the anger, understanding their cause, and willing a loving response. I trust that my heart is a part of the Oneness that we all are. I trust that the world in which I reside is One with the Divine - that which is the unfathomable and infinite  acceptance of all that is. 

I dedicate my life to the notion that life is whole and life is perfect, just as I experience it - and as you do experience life, as well.

Reflecct on the moments of your own anger. Where are its seeds growing? 

The Fragrance of Spring

Spring is a most noble season. 

 Birds' songs are plentiful.

 Buds and blooms transform winter's barren landscape.

Newborn wild animals begin their exploration of the world around them.

Gentle rains fall on the new life beginning to grow again.

Sun beams its warmth into the air around us.

Oh, but the fragrance of the blossom

s and herbs is the most compelling of all of Spring's gifts to the earth.

Did you ever sit in the  middle of an orange grove when the blossoms are covering the trees like snow and listen to the bees joyfully gathering nectar for their hives, pollenating the trees while they do?  The fragrance is overwhelming.

The camelia, a delicate  flower, which bursts into loveliness, and browns when raindrops rest on the petals, offers a mesmerizing fragrance of its own. Even one, picked and placed in a bowl of water, can fill a whole room with a sense of wonder.

After a winter of menthol eucalyptus fragrance at bedtime to soothe a cold and cough, the fragrances of Spring,  have the power to liberate Soul in dance, green grass under foot, and birds' singing to guide  a profound dance of life.

This has been a reflection following a meditation retreat  recently called the" Fragrance of Liberation".

 I further reflect on the imminent need to protect this experience of Spring in the choices I make about my part in creating and sustaining  a healthy environment for  f a future on a healthy planet. 

Highlighting the beauty of Spring and its prominent quality of fragrances,  does not replace the horror of destruction, but, like the flower in Picasso's Guernica, breathes hope and possibility to behold.

Reflect on the wonder of Spring in your life's experience. When have you smelled the fragrance of liberation?

The Kitten Within

Drawn to the animal rescue booth at the farmer's market, I noticed a very shy kitten trying to hide under a pillow inside a cage with four or five kittens.  I thought about her all week and the next weekend, I returned with a cat carrier to get her if she was still there. She was and as I walked up to the cage, she came toward me and looked directly into my eyes. So we starred at each other for a moment, then before I knew it, we were driving home. I was cat whispering with her and what I received was Miracle. 

Miracle, as it turns out is her ineffable name. We call her Lucy for all practical purposes.

Lucy has learned that she is safe now, always has enough food, and has bonded with our other cat, Bo Tres, who is protective of her.

I have to say that my visit to the home where the rescue animals live, was a shocking revelation.

The animals were not well cared for, their needs were not met, and while they were given food and shelter, they were on their own. 

Lucy's digestive system was delicate, her neutering scar was tender, and she had ear mites.

   

There are far too many stray animals to save, and yet the philosophy counteracting euthanasia is humane.

The owner of the animal rescue was preparing to take several cats to "the farm" to live. I asked myself, "How many cats can live on a farm safely and comfortably?" That would mean a prolific place full of field rats and snakes for cats to eat!!

How to manage cats- and dogs - without homes is a dilemma.  Who is responsible for catching and neutering millions of animals?

And neutering anything raises another whole issue of humane treatment.

My little Miracle has enlivened conversation with my child within. She has raised questions for consideration for living an empathic life. This has been healing and really affects how I see her and how I treat her. And she knows it - both know it, feel it, see it. 

 Love abounds within our hearts.

But there's a lot of cats out there!!!! What's the humane possible answer?

2013: Very Personal Acts of Courage

Kurt and I in the center of Sri Lanka in September. A courageous reunion half a century later.

For a month now, I have had the presence of mind to be able to reflect on this past year and plan for the coming year.Attempts to do so before thus month were futile because the fullness of the year  continued right up to New Year's Eve, at which time the world seemed to just stop.

It has been said, in the telling of old wives tales, that what you do on New Year´s Day, is the way the year goes. If this is true, this year will be a year of finally dong nothing worth mentioning other than to say that I am at peace. I feel I have nothing pressing, nothing I have to do, nothing on my bucket list. In fact I have already cancelled plans because they required too much effort or more succinctly, the effort is not worth the venture  unless it concerns my spiritual journey.

In 2013, three events, among the many significant during the year, are those which I will always  hold dear in my heart, all as turning points, if not culminations of lifetime goals. It isn't that the events of the world have not called to me. They have.  I heard the call to respond and am caring in my own way. But, this personal growth has been most important of all.


The first occurred during my days in ICU, in April, recovering from a complication which followed a simple heart procedure. I laid flat on my back for five days, perfectly content just Being present in the moment, being about the recommendation from Indicative reality that I be about the business of healing. -I was able to totally let go of any volitional attempts and instead opened my whole heart to the Will of the Divine. A truly amazing experience.

The second event was the coordination of the North American AAP Conference.  I can honestly say that my leadership of this event was instrumental in its being a success in many many ways. I can honestly say that I can live with every thing that went into that week and into the week itself, every flaw and unexpected result included.  This is a different experience than has been the end result of anything I have ever poured my life into. It was rewarding that people loved being part of it and lives were changed and the organization got a powerful jump start into its future..

Finally, travelling to Sri Lanka, while including side benefits of disidentifying effectively from all that had happened so far during the year, was really intended to enjoy spending time with the half century yearning to be reconnected to the love of my life, my first love, and father of my daughter. I had no expectations whatsoever, other than to become acquainted and be friends with this man as we are today, replacing the illusions of lingering and distorted memories of yore. Getting to know someone is not easy or simple, but was a two week delightful adventure.

There is no future in this new friendship other than when we perhaps a get together with our daughter and families. Nevertheless, I am grateful as it gets that we had the courage to spend the time together. and complete the circle of our commonness during this incarnation. Yes, the courage it took to risk possible total rejection , has been worth it all. Being vulnerable is not one of my strong points. The experience of living it and not being swallowed up by the dark abyss has changed  me forever.

2014 is simple, given the lessons learned so profoundly in 2013.

 I will write and publish this year.

I will continue the now seven year journey of my heart's healing.

PLAY is a key word for 2014. i will play with Miracle and learn to play the recorder.

This year marks twenty years in my home. This is the year it will be finished before renovations begin, if ever they do become necessary.

I will finally dare to really fall in love with everyone I consider family .And I will continue dreaming of a family and clan gathering and promise myself to be not disappointed if they don't happen again this year.

I look forward to the joys of 2014, its blissful adventure, and will willingly be kissing the pain of inevitable life changes.

Reflecting and projecting are human activities. When they are sourced in the heart, they are magnificently meaningful.  How about you? How has your life been changed this year and how is the new year different as a result?

Oombulgurri Today

This Tamal woman in central Sri Lanka reminded me of he women in Oombulgurri. I empathized with our common plight and possible future, as I had with the women in Oombulgurri  in a way that will long be remembered.
Grateful to not have to have been a beggar woman, I nevertheless, am the beggar woman, too.

The devastation in the Philippines wrought by Haiyan, raised some questions about the lasting effects of having replicated the 5th City model. The replication began with taking the model to key villages which represented  the most impoverished and hopeless on the planet. 5th City was a demonstration of people doing their own development, creating sustainable communities for the future.

I googled "Oombulgurri", in the Kimberleys Region of Australia, where my family lived and work with the Aboriginal people there. We were not the first team and this was not the first village the Institute of Cultural Affairs worked in. 

Several books are being written about the first village demonstration in Australia, Mowanjum. As far as I know, none have been written about Oombulgurri.

When my family left Australia, the government was paranoid about our being in Oombulgurri because diamonds had been discovered and they didn't want any interference  by civil rights advocates, which they must have imagined us as being.

While the Institute of Cultural Affairs left, the village citizens stayed and maintained the systems that had been developed., which included a community store, garden, clinic, and some renewed cultural rituals -or so the tales are told by colleagues who traveled back to the village for some years following our exit.

The google search revealed the history of Oombulgurri and its present status.

There are only five people still living in Oombulgurri. The other 100 have been relocated with the closing down of village operations.  The research also referred to those of us who worked with the people as those who established social welfare programs in the 70's.

At the time I was there, every single person over the age of 16 was a die hard alcoholic. One of the miracles of the village was the decision to have no alcohol in the village. This was upheld by a woman named Olive who in tradition, would be a Queen of the Daughters of  Rainbow Snake - the ruling lineage historically. As long as she was in the village, peace and order were maintained.

Then, the Department of Aboriginal Affairs built a motor boat for the community making it possible to get down the Forrest River in a short period. Up until then, access to the village was by raft which took two tides for the journey.  Needless to say, the slowness of the raft gave those who were in Wyndham  drinking time to sleep it off on the way back to Oombulgurri, a good model which was changed by the new boat.  After that, there were some days when we had to go into the bush until the mayhem had passed and the Wyndham arrivals were asleep.

Maybe, this is what was happening recently, when the government decided to relocate the people remaining.  There were always only about 100 people, but I am sure many of them have died.  I would like to know who was living there when the village closed and the real reasons for its being disbanded.

I wonder if those who were part of the transformation of Oombulgurri were also transformed. I have seen nothing written about the rich spiritual tradition of the people of the Rainbow Snake.

I wondered how the inevitable paradigm shift of being active participants in creating a sustainable environment  played itself out in the hearts of the people who remained.

I wonder if our imaginal education efforts worked. Did their sense of self-worth increase as an Aboriginal people at the end of the 20th Century on Planet Earth.

I would love to be working with Aboriginal people today, doing what I did then,  knowing what I know now about what it takes to be sustainable, personally and socially.

Reflect on an important time in your life and the situation today.  What have you learned about human development?

Zen and Pronoia

To achieve what the Zen Buddhists call "beginner's mind," you dispense
with all preconceptions and enter each situation as if seeing it for the first
time.

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities," wrote Shunryu
Suzuki in his book *Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind,* "but in the expert's there
are few."

As much as I love beginner's mind, though, I advocate an additional
discipline: cultivating a beginner's heart. That means approaching every
encounter imbued with a freshly invoked wave of love that is as pure as if
you're feeling it for the first time.

Rob Bresny wrote this in an August 2013 astrology posting for the week. He has been writing weekly on a concept he calls "pronoia". I read a bit more deeply each time. 

New concepts are received like this into every day reality.

Many new concepts are slowly becoming realities today: diversity in unity, consensus,unity in diversity,  ecological sustainability, global citizenship, empathic relatedness...

 The list goes on and on and becomes real slowly but surely.

I resonate with these three paragraphs of his and his description of "pronoia".  They speak to where I am and really want to be. I know I am not alone or this astrologer would not be as well received as he is. 

He may not well liked by those who do not take time to connect heart-to-heart, but to those who are ready for the evolution's miracles, he is among the sensitive spokespeople.

I prefer to highlight the new realities coming into being than to rehearse, over and over again, the problems.  This approach fills the universe with the positive energies which facilitate positive change. 

Where do you see signs of new patterns of life on this planet?

Paradise is there in Unawatuna

This blessing string is tied to a bodhi tree in Colombo in hopes of new bodhi sprouts.
Mine is tied to my fig tree in Crescent City in hopes of an abundant fig harvest.

Three and a half hours riding in the back seat of a tuk-tuk through town and country side, with temples, shrines, cows, roadside stands, and along the sea shore, had its advantages.  Listening to Abba to accompany the endless panorama of scenery facilitated a speedy passing of time. I just wanted to get to Unawatuna and that little castle in the sky I had only seen in a pic.

The tuk-tuk (3 wheeled road-worthy vehicle with one seat in front for driver and room for three (maybe) in the back.

This sense of urgency made it difficult to enjoy every moment and take in as much as I could as we passed by each moment quickly. I can't see- or hear - very quickly - takes more time than it used to for processing, so occasional retreats into the music itself became necessary. With this balance, the whole tuk-tuk dance to Unawatuna was pure delight.

Many options for a view of the little castle, but this, with the mist holds the wondrous!

Rustic and not a disappointment, the vacation home of my host's son-in-law's brother was the perfect resting place for this weary traveler.

Up some stairs to the first level, inside was  a kitchen and two other rooms. Outside and up another stairs,was a place to sleep, shower, sinks, toilet and a porch. There was a third floor to which I did not venture. The home was built into a huge boulder which served as  a back wall. The rest of the walls, inside and out were made of or covered with stone.

The sleeping area had windows on three sides. These windows opened let in the sounds of the ocean, a cool breeze, and the full moon.

This view shows the access to the environment outside.

 The porch was cool and the place of afternoon and evening conversations.

Each day was filled with activity: a trip to an aryuveda nursery; English breakfast; an hour on the beach;

Many woman on the beach hustling their merchandise. Awesome to watch. Irritating to be intruded upon relentlessly.

a night time search for a friend to a couple of beach side bars; a trek up the side of the  mountain to a home overlooking Unawatuna;

One of many scenes from above Unawatuna. 

pizza in paradise;  a ride in the mangrove swamps where we purchased crabs and enjoyed fresh coconut water;

Kurt took these of our tour of the mangrove swamps.

a pilgrimage to Buddhist temples;

This monk is giving a blessing and tying a string to wear for a week then tie to a tree after that for more blessing.

a trip to Galle where we took a tour of a coconut oil factory.

This process produces cold-press virgin coconut oil. We were able to purchase two 750ml bottles for under $4

 to a Buddhist store for begging bowls and to a gem lab to purchase a moonstone for our daughter, Caroline.

Dinners included a traditional Shingalese meal, the crabs and a new creation from the two previous dinners on the third evening.

Each night there was conversation on the porch. For the most part, these evenings were the highlight of the day. This was a time when the visual stimulation of the day turned to listening to the song, story, and symbol of human beings interrelating -heart and mind and soul.

Kurt is a mesmerizing tale spinner and great at sharing knowledge, in this case, of the tsunami which did not ruin this beautiful little castle.

Each day in Sri Lanka, I wrote in a diary. These were very short check-ins on where I was and how I was feeling about things. Since I had chosen to experience every encounter as a blessing during this pilgrimage to paradise, each encounter was joyful, relaxing, and energized by the company I was keeping and the environment surrounding us.

Upon reading the diary after returning home, I became aware of the wounding that also was occurring. This wounding is a natural part of living each moment. It is a carving of new experience into the  changing paradigm. Sometimes this is experienced at the time. Sometimes it is experienced in reflection, as was the case with me in Sri Lanka.

This wounding may also be considered "shadow", present in every person and experience. Using this image, the wounding is a shedding of light on that which has been hidden from conscious awareness. It was worth leaving this in the diary, as inference. Now, at home alone,  I can meditate on where this wounding came from and what is the real meaning and purpose of, and value to this adventure  in paradise.

Every moment in Sri Lanka has been  a priceless contribution to my journey through life. I am so grateful that only in the diary did I take time for the change occurring and its accompanying awareness. I am also grateful that there is not one complaint written there in the diary, only arrows pointing to further contemplation.

Most important in this paradise place, I was being touched by the Divine which made me feel totally at home where I was.  I love it all! The whole adventure!

When has been a time in your life where you ventured into paradise and experienced it fully?

Driving back to Colombo along the seashore was the most pleasant of all the days I was in Sri Lanka .

Nuwara Eliya - Reflection on Sri lanka

 Miles and miles of hills filled with tea bushes, and an infinite cascade of  waterfalls nestled in every curve of a hill. As the rickety train chugged on toward our final destination, the air cooled, the hills steepened and this is what was there to behold, seemingly endlessly.

At each train station, there was a town. Every town had a Buddhist shrine , a Buddha statue  and many tuk-tuks. Each town was comparatively poor in contrast to the high rise towers in Colombo which was home base for this journey to the other side of the earth. Closer to Colombo, many rice paddies, muddy with new harvest and replanting, lined the tracks - until the hills began to rise on either side.

 The sun shown brightly, while at the same time as we climbed into the hills, another layer of warm clothing was needed. This sunshine proved to be a deceptive beginning to what turned out to be a cloudy and rainy visit. As the sun set each day, mist creeped into every crevice of the old colonial hotel where we stayed. Rain poured down during the night and the wind howled through the garret. The experience was not at all uncomfortable for some reason.

 I had willed that I glean the blessing of each encounter and occasion and kept focus on how everything contributed to my reasons for throwing fear to the wind and venturing into this unknown. I had a dream but no expectations for how it might realize. Relaxing into who I am and letting that be, I  let the rain wash away the past, let the wind carry away my self-consciousness and fear of offending or being disappointed. The howling of the wind were trumpets hailing in the new experiences yet to come.

A tuk tuk ride through the plantations to the waterfalls was breathtaking even through the small windows of the black rain - proof covering on it.  Of all the sites and visits - tea covered hills, cuppa at a plantation, walk through the market and bargaining with the Tamil traders, great food, the workers with bags of tea leaves, roadside stands with coconuts, or monkeys posing,  - the waterfalls definitely hold the miracle of this paradise island.

As long as I can remember, waterfalls have drawn me into their wonder. Diving off a rocky cliff, plunging into the continuing stream or river below after resting in a gently churning pool created by years of water falling into it spontaneously, and with wild abandon. The water is never the same. There is only one dive per drop of water. Endless cascading fearlessly. Each time, and this time, I connected its energy in my heart center and felt deeply, the ever-changing me, as well.

Whatever the weather wanted to be, it had the freedom to be. Whatever difficulties I might have been having personally, they all had the freedom to also be.

 I will remember one waterfalls where I meditated for a short but meaningful period. The falls was split in two sections. One appeared to be floating into the air, gracefully floating on the wind's direction, letting it lead the dive into the rapids below. The other section seemed to be more of the steady and full bodied head first plunge - a high energy and bombastic splash all the way down.  I call this falls yin-yang and hold it in my heart as the essence of my new friendship with this small place on earth.

Oh my, breathe in with joy the promise held in the environment. Its beauty sustains the dance of life, supports change, nurtures growth. Dare we not face the challenges to change that which is destroying this earth today? 

What has been your experience of being in the presence of a waterfalls?

A Friend is Dying

Lake's edge at Eagle Rock

My friend Linda is in a place in her life where she is reminded 24/7 that death is going to happen.

We all know that we are going to die someday. Some have experienced near death experiences which led to new decisions. Some are old enough to feel that death is much closer than farther from becoming a reality. Most of us accept it or fear it and do what we can to prolong its arrival.

Linda has an inoperable brain tumor and esophageal cancer. She has no insurance and lives in a state which has no sympathy for those without insurance.  She's not old enough for medicare, but does have social security and a pension which is taken up totally by the nursing care she is receiving to keep her comfortable.

Her body is wasting away. Her right arm no longer works, and she has difficulty getting the words out.  I suspect that her mind is still sharp and that physically she still has a lot of deteriorating to do. That's not a kind thought, but the brain tumor is the real inevitability.

When I talk to her, she cries because she has to wait to go into the light. She is about convinced that it is never going to happen and would rather be healthy again. I want to help her to say good-bye to this world and let go.

yesterday, we did a tarot reading. She asked what it will take for her to go into the light.  The four  tarot cards provided dialogue for her to mirror the answer from within her Soul: the issue (reversed knight of wands), the contributing conditions of the past (reversed moon), contributing contributions of the future (the star) and the final answer (the Magus).

She became aware of her own fear, denial, and resistance of the inevitability of transition, of the need to focus on the gift she has been to this incarnation and how she has always been able to do what she set out to do; to let go of the wounding she has suffered and inflicted;  of her own need to control and now the need to go with the flow; and to imagine the other side and feel it welcoming her home.

I gave her a Deeksha blessing and prayed into it a feeling of the peace that passes all understanding.

Her time to go is near. I intuit this to be true. I can help her to let go, but she will finally walk into the light by herself when she is ready.

Am I feeling helpless in my inability to heal her as she would prefer or empowered by the light of the Divine to let life Be as it is?

Forgiveness First Not Last

Working on self-work and/or Self-work face-to-face seemed an impossible adventure.

Yet, there I was face-to-face with the life's experience I had come to let go of once and for all.

It did not happen automatically by a conversation or two to get the facts straight and accept that which came to pass as whole and perfect just as it happened. Between the two of us, we did piece together an adequate scenario of the course of events which included that which motivated each of us to make the decisions we did.

By this dialogue, forgiveness began its Soulful journey to the heart of the matter - actually BEING in the moment, present in the joy and privilege of sharing the same air with each other right now where we are.

Moving into the time/space experience of here and now was painful. It required letting go of other attachments of the past, breaking out of the prison of those experiences already done and gone, never to be repeated.

 I suppose it is possible to waste away in that prison of memories, content with all that has come to pass, grieving without ceasing.  However, there is more to come, if fear can be set aside for the next grand adventure - or even something very simple, as a new and loving friendship.

Trusting that no harm will come from enjoying the present moment's course of events became a psychic dance - into the past, into the present, speculating the future, into the past, into the present..............

I felt us both relax, slowly but surely.  I felt joy, ecstasy, peace, and bliss, just being together. This was not a romantic experience at all. This was the forgiveness at the heart of the matter.

For a brief moment in time in the here and now, we connected as two people who can appreciate and be grateful for our common history and for each other's presence in our lives, no prisons to hide in, no unfinished business, no expectations.

the difference now is that we have shared the present moment, however briefly,  at the same time and have been blessed with its gift.  Separately yes, but changed by the ONENESS of it all that is.

The forgiveness which happened between us was not a mental decision. It was and continues to be  a decision to release from deep within our hearts, that which is restraining, and then entering life's dance floor  once again, in grand anticipation.

The Heart of the Matter, Don Henley and the Eagles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncF6q3QeltU

Why is forgiveness at the heart of the matter so important to being fully alive?

Journeying into the Fifth Dimension

I am being hurled into the 5th Dimension to stay there indefinitely.

There's the Third Dimension, a physical reality - which is real enough. We do live in a material time and space reality most of the time.

There's the Fourth Dimension - a magical reality of the emotional body - real enough, as well. It's the stuff of which dreams are made - a place of unexplained healing - of unconditional love and forgiveness.

Then there's the Fifth Dimension - a miraculous non-time, non-space, BEING PRESENT to the wonder of it all, grateful for each moment reality. It is the experience of creating one's own reality. Until recent times, this has been the conscious experience of a chosen few.

I am, as perhaps are you, am not unfamiliar with this Fifth Dimension. I have experienced my fair share of miracles. I have experienced moments of Oneness with all that is, was, and is yet to be. I am not convinced, however, that I experienced this in the fullness of its intended purpose.

The Fifth Dimension is a unitive consciousness.

Recently, I attended a weekend retreat where I learned to give Deeksha blessings. In this retreat I also journeyed into a a great "aha'. For years I had been yearning for a reunion with the Divine in a most personal way - that experience of "Oneness of All creation, wholly engulfed...." (who wrote that poetry?).

This weekend's experience literally drove me to take a journey where I could BE One with All as a life style - of the mystical dance.

And so the journey begins.

I experienced the human suffering, abolished it within, and was among a grand movement of the Spirit through the 60's, 70's and into the 80's. Much love was poured into thousands of local communities and a few important policy makers stood up and paid attention.  This grand strategy fizzled out. What is left is demonstrations of possibility where there was no hope at all. This, I would suggest, has been a dance of Third and Fourth Dimensional. The model community was called 5th City.

Many efforts have been made to continue and rebuild that momentum of taking 5th City to the world, but this new Fifth Dimension conscious has arrived, beckoning exploration, welcoming its experience.

So, while I will pilgrimage to a land where the Fifth Dimension is alive and well, I am beginning the dance here and  now.

Care to come along? Shall we dance?

The Motivation Source

Welcome Banner at the AAP Conference

In order to follow through on creating a conference, let alone anything else time and energy consuming, there has to be a motivating purpose.

In the case of Psychosynthesis: At the Heart of Systems Transformation, this came  from the Divine Source of guidance on one's life path.  The Divine came to me in a personified form, a woman who had been a friend, a colleague, a guide in my own psychosynthesis training, and a role model to me.

Her name is Martha Crampton, one of the original pioneers in bringing psychosynthesis to North America. She moved on to a non-physical realm in 2009, but her Soul still had some unfinished business - to assure that life coaching and psychosynthesis would become dance partners.

This is how it happened.

The pioneer of transpersonal life coaching in North America trained Martha. In the course of their relationship they created a psychosynthesis life coaching training which never got saved for future editing and presentation. Pat Williams related to me that Martha was committed to life coaching being introduced to the psychosynthesis community for various compatible correlations between the two. He added that empowering the will of a client  to act on a life purpose was a difficult part of the healing process and that  his life coaching approach was a valuable addition.

Didi  was creating a transformational coaching course about the same time that Pat and I were having these conversations. She offered research reports that had been done and pointed out that life coaching was gaining popularity in the the world of healing arts.

A North American conference was coming up.Messages from Martha in meditations indicated that the conference would be a perfect dance floor for introducing life coaching to psychosynthesis practitioners and psychosynthesis to life coaching practitioners.

Pat was asked, and he accepted to present the opening keynote at the conference. Didi was asked and accepted to present psychosynthesis transformational coaching at the closing of the conference.

A concerted effort was made to reach out to life coaches, especially in the area near where the conference would be.  Thousands of coaches were contacted. None came forward. I have to confess that to do this was not communicated by Martha in my meditation time where I received her guidance.

There was a good deal of controversy around this strategy which soon subsided as psychosynthesists resigned to the direction we were going, perhaps beginning to understand why. I never mentioned, until the last few weeks, that I was receiving guidance from Martha in my meditations focused on the conference.

I found two photos I took many years ago, of Martha. I put them together in one frame. One showed her with her most beautiful and radiant smile that communicated loving acceptance to the receiver. The other was a side view where her strong will was a constant reminder that the direction of this conference was correct.

The conference proceeded as was intended and was a total success.  I have only heard one person remark that she has not bought into coaching still - but that is fine - the plan was not to produce buy-ins, it was to affirm the coaching dynamic in psychosynthesis already present and to clear the transpersonal dance floor for psychosynthesis and life coaching to strut their stuff in high style.

 Done.

Yes, the Divine can be called God and Martha could as easily have been a face of Jesus. I, however, am who I am and have  learned to pay attention to the still small voice resounding from my heart, which comes in a vast reservoir full of metaphors and images, appropriate for the moment.

Who is a personification of the Divine for you - other than the traditional divinities of your religion - who in essence guide you through the impossible?

A Conference of Note

David and Kevin practicing in a corner of the room before plenary session

During the week of the summer solstice, I was imersed in coordinating a conference for the Association for the Advancement of Psychosynthesis (AAP) (www.aap-psychosynthesis.org). This conference had been in the making for two years and involved many people doing many tasks to prepare for what we were intending to be a new beginning for AAP, to open up to another discipline - in this case making a concerted effort to attract life coaches interested in a transpersonal approach to their practice, to welcome the new pscyosynthesis coaching course,  to introduce new people to psychosynthesis, and be a gathering of long time colleagues to "catch up" personally and have a lot of fun as well.

The conference was held on an eco-friendly campus in Burlington, VT, known as a  place of  environmentally friendly innovations. The cafeteria, served by an organic whole foods distributor, provided meals for the many different diets folks are committed to these days.

 The 28 workshops and the four pre-conferences, were all masterful presentations by those new to AAP and long time trainers, as well. The three plenary sessions introduced life coaching by the man who pioneered the approach in North America, presented the complexity of systems which exist when attempting to unify a community, and ended with an introduction to the principles of psychosynthesis coaching by the first  graduating class.

The preparation team went out of their way to create an intentional space. Initially disappointed that there would not be a logo to hang, we were surprised to see one displayed boldly in the three storied window space of the atrium - place of registration and the bookstore. Following a discussion, another appeared for the plenary room (for a small fee). A flute player volunteered to provide impromptu music at the beginning of each plenary session. He soon had a combo, including bongo drums, a guitar, and singers. By the all out efforts to create an intentional sacred space, this campus was very definitely the site of a grand conference.

Also woven into the fabric of this community event, were co-creative dialogue groups. Seven groups formed, semi-organically. The leaders of the groups agreed before hand and Friday evening when the conference broke into these groups, participants joined in where they felt drawn. Seven reports on Sunday, revealed that an abundance of creative dialogue had occurred in their meetings, some with next steps planned.

To have the conference coordinator be the same person as the co-chair of AAP, was unusual and seemingly impossible.  However, in the beginning of the planning, there was not much interest in a conference, so three of us, overworked already, took it on. The world conference in Italy the year before had been a huge success with over 500 (unheard of) attending and some felt was a demonstration of a supreme synthesis that Roberto Assagioli, father of psychosynthesis, had introduced. This left a sense among most that this conference would last forever!!  The year before that, the AAP conference planning fizzled out half way through the preparation. In 2010, there was a huge blow up in a workshop on the role of esoterism in psychosynthesis that marked that conference's fame.

So, there I was. Momentum built slowly but surely. Soon enough, there was a theme, a place, a logo, and a team in place. Even with the team, I was working ten hours a day for months - meditating and relaxing as I went. Nevertheless, when I went in for a relatively simple heart procedure, I ended up in ICU for five days and flat on my back for another ten days. this was a reminder to me that working as a team is  a critical element of such an event. Even before I was back on my feet, I was making a concerted effort to have that be our  modus operandi.

Because I was the contact person for solving all the little problems that come up in the course of an event happening, I was not feeling the success that was unfolding even with input from so many. One very wise long time colleague asked me if I was feeling this. This question was an opportunity to take some time to reflect and to "smell the roses" (an appropriate idiom of experiencing the beauty of it all in the midst of all the activity going on).

What a feeling!! I reveled in rejoicing that I did it! I manifest a practical vision that I had held in my heart. People were excited, community was renewed, old wounds were healed, new life was in the making. I sure hope the others who poured so much love into the making of this conference are experiencing the same feeling of success.  It was an amazingly complex event, filled with wonder, filling heart space, being transformed.

Asked to say what I felt was the highlight - the part which holds the whole in one image - of the conference, I have to say it was just before the final plenary. The flute player, was playing "Summertime" (and the livin' is easy...) and those already in the room broke out in song.

The great learning was that the way to interest new people is to introduce them through local networking introductory events (we did not draw life coaches who were strangers to psychosynthesis - this time anyway!!)

Can it get any better? When has this great "Yes" that is available to us all, been a  candle lit in the darkness of drowning in the minutia of implementation?