How to Burst a Bubble

It is high time to let go of an attachment to a non-functioning  relationship I've carried for almost half a century now.

The relationship ended at what has been termed the attraction stage of obsession and did not continue to anxious, obsessed, and destructive. That wouldn't be like me to go there anyway.

The attraction has been a comfortable irritation. Yes, that is possibly an oxymoron. That's exactly this  has been.

I wanted very much to "get this bubble burst", so I meditated on the solution.  I checked in with my meditative council, and was advised to ask a  Psychosynthesis colleague, one knowledgeable in clinical psychiatry. One I could also trust.

After I shared my dilemma, she considered my frame of  pathological reference - the "obsession wheel", as it is called - and where I placed myself on the wheel. Then, instead of responding to that,  she raised a valid question. "Which Psychosynthesis techniques would you feel most comfortable using to process this?"

Disidentification. I live that attachment, but I am more than that attachment...., etc. (exercise available upon request)

A gestalt conversation with the one who was this attached attraction. I have my say. Then sitting in the other's chair, I take on his being and say where he is with this. Back and forth until all the cards are on the table and we both have had our inner self say on the subject of his hanging around as a long played out past.  I felt it all in my neck - this whole attachment has been a big pain in the neck!

A guided imagery to a new place in which the Higher Self has been accessed to facilitate a healed image of myself. freed of this illusory attraction,  living in the reality of today.

I was living in a memory which had long ago died and gone to heaven. Letting go was long overdue.

The final stage of this process has been to develop a daily routine - a discipline - of paying attention to what is going on in the world today and spend a few minutes absotbing its ultimate nowness.

We all have attachments which are no longer real and no longer needed. How do you let these go?


 

Fear Not

An eighteen year old young woman is being trained as the Zumba instructor. She just graduated from high school and has been finding her way into the next phase of her life on this earth. She greets us as we enter with an energetic "O la" and maintains that high energy level as she guides us through the daily routine. Her presence is pure delight.

However, I noticed that I was experiencing her as totally annoying. In meditation, I asked myself, "Why is this happening?" Instead of an answer, I received the question, "What is your greatest fear?" If I wasn't annoyed before, I sure was now. It hadn't occurred to me that my annoyance with her had its source in fear.

What was I fearing?

As I continued to reflect on this intrusion, I wound my way into a cave of bright, clear, vibrant energy. A source within me that had been stored away for what feels like eons.  Believing I might perish by this fire, I ask myself,. "Do I dare feel this energy?"

 My imagination returned to this young woman of 18. I imagined myself at 18, dancing all day in a gym, leading women of all grown up ages. I can tell you right now, when I was 18, this would not have been me. I could not even get up in front of a class and read a book report or give a speech.

Yet here she was, giving her all, confidently and with boundless energy. She was so effulgent, I could feel her joyful heart. She was supporting a strengthening part of me which only shows up on very rare occasions. As I reflect on the situations of my life in which I just dove in and swam with joy, I recall a shark coming along and taking a bite out of my leg - every time. I'm sure that is not a 100% record, but darn close. The result? Failure, retreat, regret that I had let a little thing like a shark biting my leg get in the way of what I was loving..

Recently, I had the opportunity to strut my stuff, so to speak. I did this in front of 100 or so people. I carried it out passionately, even got lost in it all.. I experienced a radical transformation from deep within myself.  No shark came along and bit my leg, either.

Here we are, this 18 year old young woman and this 66 year old "old broad", sharing the experience of giving everythnng that we have to give passionately into the moment we are living.

This annoyance I feel, is a biting shark, not this young woman's great energy.  I say, "Go away shark! You've had your day!"

"It is our turn to have our  moments in the spotlight of passionate expenditure.

We have the go ahead  to  feel joy in every cell of our body and it is our privilege to let it guide our dancing bodies through the day. 

What is your greatest fear? 

Walls

She builds a wall of thoughts and stories.

Vines of ideas carry blossoms and beginnings sharing the shine of beauty.

Music crawls over the side and drops like the sound of a gong.

Children smile.

Memories made.

by Caroline Truslow Reece

Projection: the art of experiencing oneself in another as if it was only the others presence, not a mirror of one's own presence.

Empathy: the art of experiencing another's  presence in oneself as if it was a shared experience.

My experience of this poem is just such a metaphor of  Projection and Empathy.

I see a field stone wall, about waist high, wandering across a lawn of fallen leaves, with an old oak, birch, or maple scattered here and there.On daily walks,  before flowers bloom, the scene is utterly other. I see, feel, hear, taste, smell the scene, attributing the sensory experience as that which exists in the scene.

While walking another time, vines will be filled with  flowers growing along the wall.  I see white trumpet like shaped blooms with green centers. I feel the bloom filled vine creeping gracefully along the wall. I see it shine.  I hear its silent song as my heart begins to bloom  a it drops over the side of the wall.

The gong resonates from every cell of my being.

As the children smile, the union with this poem becomes a precious memory which shines in my heart.


What's creeping over the walls you have built to protect yourself from possible pain?

All is Well!

Last year was a miracle occasioning endless gratitude.
Last year was the year of illumining the past in all its splendor.
Last year began with a new year's resolution to open the closed doors.
The doors are open. The past is approved. All is well.

This year my new year's resolution is to turn the spotlight on the unfolding future.
So far, this year, I participated in the wedding celebration of my first born grandchild, Kathleen.
Last weekend, I traveled to Colquitt,GA to experience and participate in its Building Creative Communities Conference  - been really curious about what Jan Sanders and Rob Work have been up to and they facilitated the Art of Social Change track.

At the end of this month, I'm guiding an AAP (Association for the Advancement of Psychosynthesis) regional retreat in Sarasota. It's a pioneering venture of a new operating form for this North American organization.

The author of Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus - John Gray - wrote another book about life phases. In it he said that there is a natural progression, but it doesn't always work out that way. So, if you missed out, or skipped a phase, it is natural to fulfill that part of one's own life journey at some point. He didn't use those words, but it's been so long since I read it, that's the way I remember it.

Well, I skipped over close family, and last year was bringing that almost full circle, with just a few more connections to be made to complete that phase and enjoy a new future. as family.

I got so lost in becoming self-sufficient enough to retire, it has taken well into this second year of retirement to get accustomed to following my own agenda  - or following my Bliss (as Campbell puts it) and not someone else's. Living life this way is. a delight. I feel healthier and the thoughts that constantly run through my mind are increasingly gentle and creative.

Where did we ever come up with the notion that care for all of the aspects of our lives is not being responsible? I am happy to look around me and see so many of us relaxing into our new creative edges, dancing gently instead of marching fervently and running madly into burnout.

This year, I'm going to go places and participate fully in events.

These are the times and we are the people is being carried on a new song, a new dance. All is well.

Espirit de Danz!

An Unfinished Draft of a Beginning of a Potential Logo

When I retired, I found it necessary to begin some formal exercise. When working, I got to walk five miles or so a day around the campus.

There was always a reason to be walking from one place to another - something to accomplish - get done - take care of  right away.

Getting into a regular exercise routine  simply for the sake of staying fit and connecting with nature took time.

I walked to the end of the street and back, taking millions of pictures as I went. Needless to say, this was not a power walk. I had to begin just mindfully walking if this were to be an effective ritual.

I went to the YMCA gym to walk on the treadmill when it rained, was too hot to walk, or too cold.  There rarely was anyone there in the morning. I felt uncomfortable when no one else was there, fearing the possibility of being mugged. It was free, but too stressful to keep me motivated.

So, I signed up at Curves, a six  minute walk from my home, paid my $36.80 for a month and gave it a go. At the time of morning when I would go, there were a few other women who came. We got to know each other and I looked forward to exercising daily. During that first month, I found out my supplemental insurance covers the cost, which added a little more to my motivation. I now had some extra bucks to add walking on the treadmill in the gym (given the weather conditions) in the same building.

With my Kindlebook and ipods stocked up with audio books and Abba, I got into a regular five days a week routine of an hour's walk, thirty minutes around the Curves circle of machines, and some yoga stretching.

A great circle of friends developed among the women. Nevertheless, it became somewhat tedious. With  my neighbor accompanying me daily, I kept going anyway. But, a crisis in motivation was definitely rearing its ugly head.

Just in time, the owner of Curves announced that Zumba would be added to the repertoire. We all anticipated its arrival, began learning the moves, got serious about this new addition to our daily exercise.

Zumba is dance. We dance for thirty minutes and do the machines, too. It is a high energy experience. We laugh together and feel great joy. Daily dancing for thirty minutes, sets the pace for dancing through the day.

What was missing was the dance. Now we dance.

I noticed, as I read through this slice of life, that I changed from "I" to "We".
What happens in the dance.?   
Community happens.

Dancing at end of Art of Social Change Workshop, Colquitt, GA 2/ 2011

Shall we dance? 

In what situation would dancing be called for in your life at this time?

What a Wedding!

Justin, Kathleen, and Paige, siblings.- Caroline's children, my granchildren

As the circle of biological and extended families continues to expand, the wonder of it all continues to fill our hearts with overflowing joy.This last weekend,my newfound granddaughter's wedding became the celebration of a life's time.

Kthleen, Caroline's daughter, and my first born biological grandchild, married Bryan in grand style, with elegance and grandeur and great fun. The ambience welcomed everyone into this great circle of love and joy overflowing. Anyone present could not help but participate in the feeling of being madly in love with it all, a feeling which the bride and groom were sharing and eminating abundantly.

Kathleen and Bryan Quinn

The very modern church was packed.  The bride and groom giggled reverently through the ceremony, everyone was smiling, and the service was conducted with sacred delight.

In the great hall next door, its huge space had been transformed into a winter wonderland. People got to know each other, enjoyed the feast prepared by the women of the church, took pictures, and of course, danced through the afternoon.  into the evening - if not on the dance floor, then in their Souls.

The bride's father, Ken, shared that it was more than a wedding reception for him. It was a great community celebration. He had come out of retirement to volunteer for a special assignment in Iraq, and was very grateful to have returned home safely. His platoon were among those at the reception. The church community was there, as were best friends from many different places, and of course the gracious family.

Bryan and Kathleen dancing

But, the wonder of it all shown  brightly in the dancing. Whether dancing in the center of the room, or moving gently in our hearts, there was finally the dancing of Soul's purpose. Such a blessing, one for which I am so very grateful, to live in a time where stigmas of shame are no longer honored and acceptance of the way life really is can be honored so deeply.

What a wonder filled celebration this  last weekend has been!

There has been a paradigm shift of metamorphical proportion. We have all experienced it. We can continue as great drama queens holding on to stifling and desecrating mindsets of what is acceptable and what is shameful. OR we can dance in this great circle  filled with Spirit's Light.  I an grateful for being among those who choose to dance in this light.

Where have you been experiencing this grand  metamorphosis and it's grand celebration?