Father and Daughter to Meet for the First Time

The Pomelos are ready for harvest

Yes, my daughter, Caroline, will soon meet her natural father, Kurt.

We are all headed for "a gathering of the clan" in December in Seattle area.

Granddaughter Paige,  grandson Justin (hopefully), granddaughter Kathleen (wishfully) and step-brother Raoul and I will be included. We will all have the privilege of witnessing this  miraculously rare completion of this 47 year circle of never knowing each other.

The result - a golden ring of finally becoming real. (Maybe the metaphor is "brass ring", but if it was, it turned to gold over the years.)

I am sure we are all curious about each other and contemplating how to create this circle, which ordinarily takes a life's time, in a few short days. I'm sure we all swing between desire to avoid it all and wild anticipation.

Father and a daughter will greet each other, fully acknowledging the bond that has always been there, embracing each other's existence, feeling gratitude and appreciation for this unconditional presence of life-long and latent love.

Seems like it just keeps on getting better.

One thing for sure. We each will carry away with us that golden ring, symbol of this extra ordinary moment  in our life's time. How we carry it, will depend on our own reflections.

Can anyone predict the future? Can we know our own reflections when this "gathering of the clan" is over and we all head our separate ways to continue on with our lives?

I find it incomprehensible that we all roll our eyes and sigh with relief that it is now done. We will have great fun and conversation, but deep down a shift in being will have occurred.

How do you process life-changing occasions? How do you get to the great juicy "Yes" of it all?

Treetop Reflections

Sunrise at the Atlantic Ocean, North Carolina, taken by Brian Lawrence

The trees were full of starlings -- hundreds of them. When a car would pass, they'd all fly away. Then they'd come back, a few at a time. Then another car would pass and they'd all fly away. Then they'd come back, a few at a time. When they were in the trees they'd chirp away and acorns would drop on the aluminum roofs, adding a drumming quality to the chirping and fluttering. I focused on this  performance by nature for a long while. Then, as if I were watching an air show, they flew this way and that in the open air into various formations. Then they all flew away to another group of trees on another block. I was so awed, I forgot to take a picture and hoped they'd come back the next day. But, they didn't.

Synchronicity stepped in and I received, the next day,  a video of a similar experience which occurred in Ireland.
http://vimeo.com/31158841 
Murmurations by Sophie Windsor Clive

Then a week later, I was watching the sun rise. I can watch it rise over the lake at this time of year in the little space between the houses across the street. Given that I have this privilege so rarely now, I arise eagerly to greet the sun. One day, the same trees which hosted the starlings, were filled again - this time with squirrels. One would suspect they were having a world conference. I listened to their chatter while watching the sun rise. Then, I closed my eyes and listened to them for a long moment.

Squirrel on the roof chatting with the cat on the lawn

 Each season holds its wondrous moments where nature reminds us, that in a life's time, there are seemingly endless opportunities to reflect on the vastness and depth of life experience.

How is it that such moments are possible in a world where environmental crisis reigns?

The Ego and I

Luna greets the morning sun and we give thanks.  Pic by Jane Cutler, VA, USA

The title of this blog is a take off from The Egg and I by Betty McDonald. The book spawned Ma and Pa Kettle and Old McDonald (the farmer who had a farm, I'm guessing), was translated into 20 languages, and has been the subject of lawsuits and controversy for stereotyping farmers from the state of Washington and Native American Indians there.

Her books really are very humorous, written in a time when such stereotypes were not being challenged, rather were accepted as the humor it was intended to be at the time. She wrote, I believe from a perspective she knew was not an authentic description of farmers and Native Americans, exposing the prevailing inauthentic mindset humorously. And, she wrote it from her own humbling experiences.

I'm thinking the Ego has been the subject of the same kind of challenging of its good intentions.

 The Ego, I would propose, is not the bigwig that Freud  made it out to be.  Ego is a mind/emotion part of the self that may be healthy or it may be unhealthy.

If everything I am, is all about me-me-me, then it is unhealthy.

A strong Ego, however,  I propose, is  needed in order to access a higher conscious, which I shall term Self with a capital S. The stronger and healthier the Ego, the more available is to this Self  - the place where Wisdom is born and abides, waiting to be accessed.

Sometimes a person with strong Ego comes off as "into him/herself", but when listening closely and watching how this Ego relates to the world around it , it may come as surprising that the Ego's strength is really a cauldron filled and overflowing with wisdom.

If the sharing of the wisdom sends with  the message that this sourcing of wisdom is for a privileged exclusive few, the Ego is unhealthy. If it is used to belittle the unawakened or to manipulate and control, the Ego is unhealthy.

Just as when our bodies are ill, we give them the attention they need in order to become healthy again, so it is with the Ego. In fact, the two may be dynamically interconnected, but that is another whole chapter.

The most inspiring people I can think of all have "Big Egos".  But, are they going on and on about themselves? No. They are sharing the wisdom and guiding others to its source.  These people write, sing, dance, sculpt, paint, design, orate, create, teach, counsel,  etc. etc. etc. with all their hearts, boldly, charismatically, but never with apologies for daring to expose themselves as they do.

These Big Egos humble themselves before us, sharing the presence of Wisdom from its source.

Given that proclamation, now I'm willing to consider the unhealthy ego  - that facet which is unaware of the damage it is doing to those around its self. Nobody is perfect as the picture I have just painted of a healthy Ego, of course. Healthy strong Egos do get carried away on many an occasion. But, I would submit that an unhealthy Ego needs attention. It radiates negativity, negative energy which hurts, slanders, negates, denies, abuses, whimpers,blames, excuses and empowers the big old victim and bully at the same time.

I truly do not believe that anyone is really willing such an impact on others.

How do you rate your Ego? What is it you are willing to be?

Meditating is very simple.

On the porch of the old house at Barberville Pioneer Settlement, FL

.

What shall I do?

I ask myself why I don't want to write blogs any more

My response is that I find them simpleminded and hardly competitive with my prolific and elegant writer colleagues.

However, it was never my intent to compete with anyone. My intent has been to reflect on experiences of my life's time and to share the love of reflection with those who would like to learn how.

Today, as a way of preparing for some deeper reflection, in hopes of not experiencing my product as simpleminded, I was meditating to a drumming piece which was followed by a chant, both of which I followed.

What I noticed for that hour was that no matter how gently I focused on my breathing and awareness of the effect of the music in my body, movie clip images were coming and going, a new one coming as soon as the last one was gone.

Instead of becoming frustrated with my inability to focus, I was reminded of a teaching on this reality, and proceeded to pay mindful attention to each thought, welcoming it into this space before letting it go.  This proved to be meditative ritual in and of itself.

I had an insight, which was really a message from my active imagination.

"Perhaps," it offered, "There is no deeper and more profound and more complex. Perhaps there is simply a coming into the fullness of what is here and now for you in this moment. Embrace it and welcome this into your home."

Who was the comedian who said, "Don't fight it, baby, it's bigger than both of us!" Same  insight, different audience.

What happened when I acknowledged the presence of the movie clips, letting them go was easy. Focusing on breathing in and out became a relaxing exercise, listening to the drumming and the chanting grounded me in the simplicity of mindfully being present - just being me.

There are so many ways to meditate and say, "Yes" to the way it is. What works for you?

Faery Tales Can Come True

Butterfly in plumbago along the fence

A very sweet and lovely 78 year-old  lady at the gym was beginning to act strange.

She had been joyous presence in our group. She'd bring in pictures of her triplet great grandchildren, her eight children, and twenty or so grandchildren and great grandchildren to show us. She had something wonderful to say about anyone whose name was mentioned.

One day, she stared into space instead of sharing her continual gleeful laugh during the workout. She left right away with a stoney glare. I was genuinely concerned, but my intuitions were telling me that she would be okay - just had something important to take care of.

The next day she came back. I could feel her lighter energy, but there was still a disconcerting look on her face. So, I struck up a conversation with her, asking her how she was. Needing to share, she  proceeded to blurt out what she had just been through. It was like listening to a TV detective show melodrama.

When she left the day before, she was on her way to court. A son of her fiance had filed charges against her for illegal trespassing and she had been arrested and released on bail. She had hired an attorney and this court date was ten months later.

Her fiance had been drugged, placed in a memory loss ward in the mental wing, and the son made himself executor of the estate and power of attorney.

The 80-year old man had not been ill at all. He was CEO of his a very successful business, had lost his wife to cancer, and was just getting back into the swing of things with his engagement to this lovely lady.

At the court date, charges were dropped, as might have been expected, and she did not have to pay a fine nor go to jail because she was not able to pay.

The judge turned to the son and ordered him to show proof of his side of the story within a certain number of days. His father had retained the same attorney, who just won the first half of his case. The attorney had already been working on the release of the man from his illegally coerced confinement.

"These things just don't really happen in real life," I found myself saying. But, they do, and this did happen.  And once again, as in faery tales and sometimes detective stories, there is a great possibility for a happy ending ever after. We are waiting for the outcome, but feel certain that the two lovers will be able to dance on into their real life faery tale.


I have no idea why a son would do that to his father. Do you? Will this couple get to live happily ever after?