Enough with the inner journey already!

New growth on juice orange tree in the yard

Except for Zumba in the morning and dinner with Dick, I spend most of my day alone. I am co-chair of a not-for-profit organization in North America (AAP) which takes up some time. Otherwise, I am  writing,  or cleaning, reading, or meditating to the music,  (and veging out with reruns, of course!)

The inner work has been important and the healing consistently providing new strength for being a co-chair. However, a shift is occurring and I am becoming aware of a desire to respond to the world around me. It's like a magnet - or being a teenager with puppy love.

I thought about going back to work in a new after school program - 2 two hours a day, four days a week, but just couldn't bring myself to fill out the update to send in. I will not do what I do not love anymore.

I made gluten free oatmeal and almond flour chocolate cookies for myself. I made chocolate drop cookies for Dick. I prepared and canned 8 pints of jalapeno relish and packed four quarts of them whole, and froze some other hot peppers.

Then, I began a painting on a canvas I had stretched four years ago. It is the missing link on this vast and deep spirit journey I've been on. The reason that it is the link is this. It gets me creating scenarios for how I might once again live a life of service with meaningful purpose - how to serve the healing of the ecological disasters of our time, contribute to  political systems transformation, shift perspectives on the distribution of resources, join in on the new forms of education needed for our children!

As I paint, scenarios flood into my imagination with the same vengeance as have been memories of yore. How refreshing this has been.  My paintings will not be famous, nor will I. But, I experience happiness while painting a picture and creating a scenario for social change at the same time.

The days are over when I go traipsing through the villages again or attempt to coordinate another retreat. But, my imagination is on a roll and something new is in the forming - something that includes being happy, as well,  - is bound to result.

Where have  you been drawn to responding to the crisis the world is in right now?  What is the key to this happening?

Heart of My Heart

From my birthday, even dead, they are a wonder

I heard a song on the TV a week or so ago that I remembered from childhood:"Heart of my heart" meant friends were dearer then. Too bad we had to part. I know a tear would glisten, if once more I could listen, to that gang that sang "Heart of my Heart:.

 

My friends and I knew it by heart (!) and performed it in the little shows we'd put on in the neighborhood.

Then, on Pandora,  I listened to Emmy Lou Harris singing, I Will Dream -- "In my imagination, you are my true companion...". It struck me that this was more of a song sung by Soul to the listener, rather than the listener to a lost love. It was for me at this moment, any way.

Then,  a short while later, I heard Emmy Lou again, this time singing  All You Have is Your Soul, by Tracy Chapman. I began to listen to this call from the deeps of my  heart. I began to be mindful of the message in these and each song I heard for the next few days.


On a TV rerun of one of the early Bones (my favorite vege out show), in the song toward the end, in the background, the words were, "...Bring on the wonder. Bring on the song.  I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long...."


Each of the songs I am hearing are awakening memories of yore, both fond memories and those I would rather not have lived - and others along this spectrum.

I wake up in the morning and snippets of images of yore come in with  a vengeance. So, rather than wake up and spend the day grieving needlessly, I created a little ritual  of affirmation for each. I let it come into the screen of my partial waking, remember it, acknowledge its impact, give it a hug and a kiss, thanking it for its appearance and the lesson I learned from having lived it, and send it on its way.  


Some amazing stuff has been coming in to say, " Hello," before moving on to its place in the orchestra of my life's time. 


I am all these memories of my life's time, and I am more than these memories - all their physical, emotional, mental, spiritual relationship to me.

I am well ready to heed  the call from Soul to allow its presence, from within the deep center of my heart, as my true companion.

Photography by Jeri Umble, from her garden

Change When it all Turns to Minutia!

Tree that survived wounding early in life. Look at it today!!

Seven of Pentacles Reversed

Getting mired down in the details of a projects. Feeling there is room much to do alone, so you stop working altogether. Tired of waiting for goals  to manifest. Working too hard without taking time out to enjoy the benefits you are receiving. Spending too much time going over the details and not enough time enjoying the journey.

That was me. Yes, indeedy! And a lot of other people of whom I know this to be true.

B-U-R-N-O-U-T!!

Definition:  Time to get away, step into the pure heart space wherein abides the essence of Spirit's presence.

When there is nowhere to go.  it seems impossible to  feel that others' spaces and activities are not imposing on a  need to sit and listen to the music of nature's sounds - take time to smell the roses, so to speak..

Someone is always mowing a lawn, trimming a hedge, blowing away leaves, or doing some form of construction. Motor noises constantly, TV blaring, air-conditioners running, motorcycles on a poker run, air boats hunting alligator. ..............

With no special  person to share a common jaunt into the world of Spirit, that leaves only solitary space and time. Solitary Space and Time is a very special friend.

These all used to be a problem - an excuse to keep on doing the same old same old. Every relationship was an I-It relationship, to put it in Martin Buber's terms, and I was there to use and be used.

But know I have another good friend called Heart Space.  Heart Space holds a knowing that what is drawing me to it  outside myself abides there  inside and is calling for attention.

"Baby doll, if you no pay attention, you get yourself mighty sick," comes the cry from  the "silent voice of knowing" .  

Body begins to communicate the silent voice's messages with all sorts of aches and pains,  accidents, diseases, and attacks - increasingly more intense with each attempt to communicate.

I didn't pay attention, even with all my training and daily disciplines of paying attention. Finally, my bodily  heart said, "I am tired of this. Change what you are doing - and your relationship to it, - quit pretending you can endure this minutia driven job -  or I'm shutting down and taking you down with me!"

So here I am three and a half years later, and one heart failure later. If I fall into the same old pattern of shoveling the minutia until every bone in my body aches, I begin crying without sadness and I take a lot of naps.

Something new has stepped into support my new decision to go with the flow,engage in what makes me happy and has purpose to me,  take it slow,  pay attention to my own anguish over beginning to drown in the minutia.

I am grateful for that support, for the gently flowing tears, and for the imposed time to close my eyes and dream. I honor that support. I am able to change what I am doing and how I am relating to the one life I have to give . I am grateful for this tired out heart for hanging in there with me  when I fall into the old pattern.

Are you paying attention to that silent voice - your intuitions.?  Are you heeding the warnings your body is sending?  It isn't just real for me, or some people. It's a reality for everyone. Please take the time to pay attention. Take time to process and change.

Gifted

This is my grandson, Brandyn, Rob's first born.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

So many toddlers today were born with gifts and talents already developed. I began to see them a few years ago when I was a guidance counselor. These children did not fit into the norm - even outside the boxes - of a classroom environment. When we screened and tested for learning disabilities, more often than not, they showed up in the gifted range, but then not served because of their seemingly poor progress and/or behavior. 

Their giftedness was subtle and there were only a few like this.  One first grader was totally knowledgeable of medieval times. His mother and father insisted that he had never been even remotely exposed to anything that had to do with medieval times. The boy was able to draw castles, festivals, farms, and people with ability way beyond his biological age of development. 

Today, there are many children like this. I don't believe there just seems to be more because of youtube. They are among the children we all know and love.

My children and grandson in the picture seemed to be born with a sense of rhythm. They followed the beat of the music with their feet and clapping even before they could walk. Patty-cake was party-time! None of them fit into the norms of the classroom.  

 All of my children and grandchildren have a giftedness about them. None of them  graduated with honors. In fact, getting them through school was a miracle. But, all of them are giftedly talented in some way or other. The school system called these children "shadow children". They fell through the cracks of public education. These are the children for whom, as a counselor,  I spent a majority of my time and energy.

BUT, these children today, just toddlers now - or maybe they are even six, seven or eight- are definitely destined to be a challenge to the norms of public education. Something has to change when students in a classroom are as sophisticated as the teachers and definitely have little time for sequential minutia nor have the social skills to be polite about it

I am supportive of  alternatives to the present system. We knew forty years ago and more that a new and functional education was needed. Home schooling is one of the answers - an environment where parents can work together with their children to pursue these talents and passions they are born with - taking time to teach the social skills they forgot to be born with - accessing teaching methods that address the tedium of  learning reading and math skills. 

For myself, burdened with a miserably high IQ in a time where that was but an interesting bit of news,   I could have spent my whole life just dancing to the music. I would have been totally happy for this whole 67 years! 

What is my giftedness? What's yours?