The Door is Open Now

 Caroline and Paige picked me up for our trek to Little Compton

In April 2010, a door of truth opened. It had  been shut tightly and sealed securely for 46 years. When asked about it, I solemnly denied its existence. It was never discussed.That's the way truths of this nature were handled way back then.  However, the times have changed. 

The seal was broken when I reconnected with my daughter, Caroline. I gave her up for adoption and was expected to go on living as if it had never happened. And so I proceeded into the future. I never  told  a single soul.Well, one time only did I tell someone, then turned around an denied it. Only a few knew and it was never ever discussed.
When Caroline and I met in April, in Rhode Island, the door opened just a bit more with the awareness in meeting her son, Justin and daughter, Paige.- no longer 3 sons, now three sons AND a daughter - no longer 3 grandsons, now a fourth AND a granddaughter. My heart was overflowing with gratitude for the revelation of truth and for these precious blessings.

 Justin and Paige just before he's off on his motorcycle trip to Florida

At the end of June, the door opened even a bit more when Caroline  connected with her daughter, Kathleen.  in Boston. They phoned  me, and I met even another granddaughter - my first born grandchild. I want  to meet her in real-time. I will take her the afghan I crocheted a few years ago to give to my first granddaughter, never even remotely dreaming that she is already grown. 

Paige with Kathleen on the phone with me for our first connection

On Monday of this week, where I was up north (in Massachusetts), Caroline and Paige  picked me up. We drove to Little Compton, Rhode Island where I met the couple who adopted her  - her parents, Pauline and James. It was a long awaited connection for us all. Now, the door is wide open.  

  Pauline and James, the lovely people who adopted Caroline

Justin, on a pilgrimage of his own, arrived on his motorcycle for Thanksgiving. Having met Russ already, he now got to meet Randy and Rob - his three new uncles. 

 Russ, Justin, Randy, and Rob on Thanksgiving Day

I would love to have a family reunion, get everyone together in one place , but that's probably not going to happen.any too soon,. At the same time,  there's still some real-time connections to be made now,  including Caroline's  meeting her father. 

 Opening this door is turning out to be an amazingly healing adventure after all. Whenever did history create such a stigma around hiding the existence of a child born out of a sense of being in love? Regrets I do have for letting go of my beloved child. Yet, I have come to understand that it was the best decision then, given the reality of it all at that time. Who made the rules that a child could be whisked away and forgotten? I never felt ashamed, yet I complied. Why did I comply? Why was I supposed to feel shame?  Who ordained that these doors be closed tight and sealed forever?

But, who would live by those rules today?  We have walked through the door of a life's time into today.  The truth is out in the open. The door is open. All of life is open. From here we proceed, hand in hand with the truth of it all. This is good.

My story is very personal, close to my heart. I am willing to be open and vulnerable because I have found a place in the center of my heart which radiates unconditional love and forgiveness into all of my memories.

I challenge us all to connect with this center within each of us, and radiate it into the radically changing world in which we live, and to the healing of this planet's systems. How will you go about this?

Silence in the Air

 

See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...we need silence to be able to touch souls.” Mother Teresa 

For my 65th birthday, I received THE present of a life's time  - a hot air balloon ride which I could take anywhere in the United States. I chose Truckee, CA, near Lake Tahoe and invited, Celeste Macaluso, a dear young woman who had done much for me,  to join me. We arrived in a field full of sage, and assisted the owner of a magnificently colored balloon in getting it ready for us to go "up up and away".

   

 We climbed in, and began the rise across the lake. As we climbed, we left the details of the landscape behind, only being able to distinguish water from field from wooded areas.  We got up to 3000 feet, so the owner reported. 

I have to tell you, the silence surrounded and engulfed me like nothing I have ever experienced in my life's time. I stood in silent awe, mindful of how its presence was overwhelming me with peace.  Oh, if it could only have lasted forever. My Soul was lamenting the inevitable end, even as I opened my heart and let the silence enter.

The experience of the silence rests in my heart even now, a year later, as if I am still suspended 3000 feet up in the air in a beautiful balloon, mindful of having been privileged by the experience itself.

We all hold  images of extraordinary experiences in our hearts. How do these images influence how we relate to others, to ourselves, to life? 

You Can See Forever

 Moon, in the wilderness of never ending space, lights up home. 

Ancestors of our land, I bring you back to present time.

Oombulgurri, a human development project in Northern territory, Australia, begun  in the 70's, means "you can see forever".

Oombulgurri is a village which had been a mission station. It had been closed for many years before the ICA facilitated a  demonstration of sustainable community, by people who had grown up there  - and their children.

Perhaps I am wrong, but I am of the belief that the Aboriginal people viewed the vast seemingly endless expanses of the land they traveled, as  European  people considered their castles.

They would travel to different places according to the food available and the weather or gathering, at different times throughout the year.  There were sacred places, and meeting places, and fishing and hunting places - a place for everything.

When the people moved back to Oombulgurri, to the remnants of the mission, every single person over 16 was plagued with alcholism and syphillis , and lost traditions.  Not only had they lost the working memory of their traditions, but they also had to live on the fringes of the towns of the western world, almost as animals.

The village was forty kilometers down the Forrest River, and the salt flats flooded during the rainy season, so transportation in and out was always a challenge.

One time, when there was no getting to a hospital,  a nurse colleague on our team of consultants,  had to deliver a breach birth while I read the manual to her on how to do it. I suspect if tradition had not been lost, we wouldn't have  needed to intervene in this natural process.

The people who lived there had been taught various trades during the mission station days when they were growing up.  For example, Hilton, one of the men who had grown up on the mission, was able to put up fences with totally accurate measurements for miles on end- without a surveying instrument.

The people could hear sounds that were miles away and could point to that which was not visible to my eyes. They knew when a snake was near and when someone was approaching. They knew instinctively when someone had died  and when a woman had recently conceived.

The ability of the Aboriginal people in Oombulgurri to "see forever" had more to do, I am convinced, with being able to empathize with the environment, to relate to the environment as an extension of their physical bodies.

It's as if their bodies and imaginations were inclusive of all of time and all of space.

As an observer, I had many encounters with this reality.  The encounters were new experiences, yet seemed very natural to my senses.

Perhaps, humankind is in the process of once again getting acquainted with its Aboriginal roots. Perhaps we will one day - as a species again - be able to "see forever".

How does seeing forever, enrich  the journey of a life's time?

Feedback

Whether guidance counselor or teacher, every new year meant another formative and summative evaluation by an administrator.

As  accustomed as I had become to preparing  a session or lesson to be observed for feedback, I always was worried about my performance. The system was set up to keep us on the defensive.

Feedback would have been welcome and valuable, if we all were on the same page - concerned about being effective with the students.

But, it very rarely was about that. It was all about test scores, personalities, and classic classroom management.

Another element in being evaluated was the mirroring of the evaluator's own self image that was occurring.

These days,  when I have expressed my opinion about someone else or something, I always have to stop and consider where I am coming from with my assertions.

If I'm having a problem with that which is other than I, instead of expecting things to be different, I do sometimes remember to look inside myself for what is happening with me and respond to that instead. 

It is then I am able to respond to the conflict which has arisen.

Good when I have praised another or really am grateful for the otherness I have encountered. I do make an effort to do this as a regular spiritual practice.

However, there are those times when I have taken issue and experienced myself as a victim or find myself just  resenting the injustice of it all.

At these times, it becomes more difficult to look at my own similar imperfection.

But, the most rewarding experience for me is when  totally opposite perspectives have it out, not playing King Kong, but rather wrestling with an outcome that is acceptable to all. 

These outcomes tend to be, inevitably, a new synthesis of perspectives.

Whether this happens in a group, between two or three people, or inside one's own psyche, when it happens, there inevitably growth and positive change and a new sense of community results.

There is a lot of work to do to create safe environments of positive change. Where do we begin? Where do you begin?