This returning after two months away from familiar space and routines, is a major adjustment period. While away, I had huge periods of time to reflect on my decision to make 2018 a year of new beginnings. Even with all this time to reflect , the two months was filled to overflowing with new experiences, some of which were long awaited dreams come true, all of which was one grand adventure into enjoying every minute of being alive.
Some days were difficult. I encountered each of these as challenges to learn how to be happy no matter what. I learned to let go of my expectations. I learned that I could feel loved only through loving myself as I am. There were many days I felt old, fat, ugly and not welcome. Each time I was aware of this, I practiced unconditional love and forgiveness on myself and on the occasions of my feeling as I did.
I learned to not react when I was angry - and there were times when I definitely was angry. I learned to breathe thru the anger into a place of understanding the cause and to trust those insights. I had been working on being able to do this for about two years. I could get to this place of understanding after the fact. I do mean to say after I had blown my cool first. But, I had opportunity to practice immediate response to a wounding as it happened.
Now that I am home, I am experiencing the need to replicate my newly acquired skill for responding to anger and finding that it, too, takes practice here in an environment where I had on more than one occasion shown anger then regretted it as I processed it. So far, so good - sort of!!
Most days, I must emphasize, I am happy. I am happy to be alive.I am happy that I lived two months full of wonder. I am happy to have a place to live where I feel very much at home. I am happy to be living in such a nature rich environment. I am happy to be alone. This is the difference. I have been alone before and I have been alone even when I was not alone. The difference is, I am happy to be alone. I am sure I do not want to be alone forever. But, right now, I am enjoying the freedom to care about me. I do believe I am not being self-ish. Rather, I do have the privilege, one for which I am grateful, to be able to take care of myself in preparation for whatever is coming next.
I am planting and pruning in the yard.
I am refurbishing and rearranging space and furniture.
I am weeding out clothes which are no longer me and adding new ones.
I am taking care of my eyes, teeth, and other physical ailments I have avoided.
I am nourishing my Soul with new information and images.
I am practicing being in harmony with my true nature and passion for life.
I am at peace with the way life is each day and with each encounter.
I practice being happy.
I suppose there is more to say, but for now, that's all there is, my friend (as the song goes), so let's keep dancing.
Are you being happy, too?
