Well, I asked him and he has declined.
Here in leap year when traditionally I have society's blessing to ask him, I did, with no reason to believe, given our life together for so many years, he would not agree that the time is now.
So I ask myself, "Is this declining my proposal in fact a blessing ?".
He had assured me that he is happy where he is, just does not want to be married legally. In being true to my own desire, I do not really want to be married legally either. All was well between us until he was hospitalized and his family members challenged my care giving ability.
Many elder couples around here are not married legally and that fact goes unnoticed. They agree on how to handle hospitalizations and get their wills in order. They have the support of their families for their life choices.
I have had to reflect on what it is I wanted to gain by being married. While watching a movie with a similar plot, I had an insight about this. I saw, heard, felt, even tasted and smelled the truth of the matter.
(1) I was feeling alone, unprotected, vulnerable, even betrayed. (2) I deserve to feel loved, safe and welcome in this relationship. (3) I want the love I give to be received with open arms and a big hug.
Call me selfish and I will not agree. Everyone has these needs. When these basic human needs go unmet, disease happens. Having the confidence to state one's needs in a relationship is a dialogue, one that cements the foundation of a healthy coexistence.
So, if this Leap Year Day's proposal occasioned nothing else (like a wedding in the near future), it has been a LEAP in my own commitment to wholeness and health and a desire to deeply love a life partner in a way that no one will ever challenge our right to be who we are together.
Reflect on a time you have risked the possibility of rejection and abandonment and discovered Divine's blessing in the really real?
