2013: Very Personal Acts of Courage

Kurt and I in the center of Sri Lanka in September. A courageous reunion half a century later.

For a month now, I have had the presence of mind to be able to reflect on this past year and plan for the coming year.Attempts to do so before thus month were futile because the fullness of the year  continued right up to New Year's Eve, at which time the world seemed to just stop.

It has been said, in the telling of old wives tales, that what you do on New Year´s Day, is the way the year goes. If this is true, this year will be a year of finally dong nothing worth mentioning other than to say that I am at peace. I feel I have nothing pressing, nothing I have to do, nothing on my bucket list. In fact I have already cancelled plans because they required too much effort or more succinctly, the effort is not worth the venture  unless it concerns my spiritual journey.

In 2013, three events, among the many significant during the year, are those which I will always  hold dear in my heart, all as turning points, if not culminations of lifetime goals. It isn't that the events of the world have not called to me. They have.  I heard the call to respond and am caring in my own way. But, this personal growth has been most important of all.


The first occurred during my days in ICU, in April, recovering from a complication which followed a simple heart procedure. I laid flat on my back for five days, perfectly content just Being present in the moment, being about the recommendation from Indicative reality that I be about the business of healing. -I was able to totally let go of any volitional attempts and instead opened my whole heart to the Will of the Divine. A truly amazing experience.

The second event was the coordination of the North American AAP Conference.  I can honestly say that my leadership of this event was instrumental in its being a success in many many ways. I can honestly say that I can live with every thing that went into that week and into the week itself, every flaw and unexpected result included.  This is a different experience than has been the end result of anything I have ever poured my life into. It was rewarding that people loved being part of it and lives were changed and the organization got a powerful jump start into its future..

Finally, travelling to Sri Lanka, while including side benefits of disidentifying effectively from all that had happened so far during the year, was really intended to enjoy spending time with the half century yearning to be reconnected to the love of my life, my first love, and father of my daughter. I had no expectations whatsoever, other than to become acquainted and be friends with this man as we are today, replacing the illusions of lingering and distorted memories of yore. Getting to know someone is not easy or simple, but was a two week delightful adventure.

There is no future in this new friendship other than when we perhaps a get together with our daughter and families. Nevertheless, I am grateful as it gets that we had the courage to spend the time together. and complete the circle of our commonness during this incarnation. Yes, the courage it took to risk possible total rejection , has been worth it all. Being vulnerable is not one of my strong points. The experience of living it and not being swallowed up by the dark abyss has changed  me forever.

2014 is simple, given the lessons learned so profoundly in 2013.

 I will write and publish this year.

I will continue the now seven year journey of my heart's healing.

PLAY is a key word for 2014. i will play with Miracle and learn to play the recorder.

This year marks twenty years in my home. This is the year it will be finished before renovations begin, if ever they do become necessary.

I will finally dare to really fall in love with everyone I consider family .And I will continue dreaming of a family and clan gathering and promise myself to be not disappointed if they don't happen again this year.

I look forward to the joys of 2014, its blissful adventure, and will willingly be kissing the pain of inevitable life changes.

Reflecting and projecting are human activities. When they are sourced in the heart, they are magnificently meaningful.  How about you? How has your life been changed this year and how is the new year different as a result?