Lately, every little thing that hppens elicits a memory of something I have experienced in my lifetime. Could it be that I have come full circle and am doing it all again. I suspect not. I would prefer to believe that the reflective mode has kicked into automatic for awhile. In that space, encounters of the moment trigger similarities from history.
At times, I have been consumed with the events of the past which have come alive again. I relive them, very aware of the gaps in the memory, yearning to remember the parts which remain in the dark, out of reach. Events which were emotionally charged have more vivid details, with less darkness.
Reminding myself of, or remembering, the context from which these memories came, keeps it all in perspective. Without that, there is blame, shame, undue pride, guilt, and other illusory feelings.
Most of all, I have been struggling greatly with maintaining a perrspective between who I was back when and who I am today. Invariably, who I am today would have created different memories of back when.
It all becomes a "what if" game which finally reminds me that I am different, wiser today, able to care about another's welfare. Having lived the life of a social change agent, intending to relieve human suffering, "what if" I had cared for myself and taught those I was training to care for themselves and each other? For the sake of the changes - that being local community development - what I worked for might be a sustainable self-replicating reality today already.
But, it was what it was. All of it is stampted approved. So much living to do today. Only difference seems to be the sense of freedom to choose where and how to walk the talk today! Follow my bliss today! Dance with it on out to the other end of life!
What's one of your "What if"s?
When transformed from its "should have", "could have", "would have", state of being to whtever is on the stage to perform next, what is the scenario you are creating?
2 comments:
I once read a wise person state that we all do the very best we can at any given moment. That brings me some comfort because of
mistakes I have made that I can never correct. I guess it was all meant to be for God's specific purpose. Dot Sweeney
Am completing my circle also .... sort of trying to form a lining with phrases and actions possible only by the gifts of the Universe. You are one of these gifts. You give the lining a deep softness. You have given me insight to the possibilities of accessing and developing my right brain!
Am off to create ... must finish to darn baby blanket!
Love, Winkie Chesley
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