Changing Thought Patterns

For several years now, I have been working on letting go of an annoying pattern of mine - that of rehashing events that have occurred - those which I would rather not have lived in the first place. Occasionally, I would have a break through at the moment of the rehashing. At these times I have been able to stop my thoughts and put them into a circle of the dance and the pattern would successfully change. I wrote this in my journal one day after having one of these successful experiences:

When I am almost awake each morning, lying in bed, I find myself regretting moments in my past. In all honesty, I have to say that the expereince of that rueful state of being is what gets me up and out of that bed. This morning, instead of dwelling on one of these experiences and then hopping out of bed to avoid it, I asked myself why I am doing this every day. My insight was that these are moments I have intellectually forgiven myself for which now are returning to be fully released. I then listened to my insight and began to let go of that particular experience. The result was another image of myself later on in life of the same kind of experience I had regretted. I saw myself as responding to the experience differently, as if I had learned from the original one. Yet, still there existed a gap between the original and the next. I held a tension between the two as a rubber band stretched between my fingers of both hands. I stayed with that for awhile. For what purpose or outcome, I had no idea. All I received was, “There is the journey, and that is good, you are redeemed, whole, and perfect. Continue the journey you have chosen.”

I have since established a ritual. I step into the circle of the dance. I become the listener and observer as experience is replayed in my mind's eye. Then I say to myself: I am the experience, but I am more than the experience. I am the feelings about the experience, but I am more than the feelings. I ask myself what I learned and wait for an answer. I image how I will react differently from now on, and let it go. Sometimes, I give it wings and send it on its way to take its place in that which has passed on. Then, I make sure and say something good about myself, or look into a mirror and smile. I never do anything the same twice - well maybe twice, but never three times. It just isn't like me. This way each time I do the ritual, it is new.

In the past two years, I to wake up more often in the morning anticipating the great ventrue that is there for me that day. I am this venture, but I am more than this venture. I am the circle of the dance, but I am more than the circle of the dance.
I am.

What are your first thoughts upon awaking each morning?