Accepted or Rejected?

I am not sure of the source, but this time of year, every year, I am consumed with a sense of being a total outsider with a big "reject" stamped on my forehead.

This feeling is irrational, grounded in nothing. Nevertheless, I am bombarded with a series of memories to support this sense and it seems like people start stamping "reject' on my forehead to support this feeling.

Years ago, I would find my self singing, over and over in my head, that part of Handel's Messiah, "He was despis-ed, despis-ed and rejected...". This would bring me back to reality, relatively speaking, reminding me that this feeling is included in the human journey.

I am reminded of a course I and many others took on the twentieth century theological revolution. In this course there is a conversation around an excerpt of Paul Tillich's writings.The pedagogue goes around the room saying something unforgivable and asks, "Am I accepted?" The answer, no matter what the "sin", is YES.  Tillich's message is that we are accepted always, in spite of our rejection. He was among many theologians who were involved in reinterpreting scriptures in secular terms.

In that first course, the pedagogue got to me and said, "I gave a baby up for adoption, am I accepted?" and waited for my answer. Because I got what Tillich was pointing to, I said YES, but did not believe it in my heart. It took years to believe this ultimate truth.

Here, many years later, I am able to guide my meditation time into Heart Space, and  listen for the wisdom of a community of memories, lessons, role  models, and guides. I can ask this community to guide me once again to a heartfelt acceptance of my human condition. Wisdom, insight and meaning is always provided.

This year, I find that I need a way to be sustained as accepted and not fall into the cycle of validating my rejection. I need to feel one with this truth of acceptance in spite of rejection. I need it more than ever because I'm close to getting my groove on here on the other side of this life's time.

I am feeling that the engines are fired up and I am about to take off into a new phase of serving this world. So, during this time of year, with this recurring albatross of rejection, I am in perpetual mediation with the Divine.

The ability to be sustained and to get into the future is to love who I am, just as I am, and to love the stamp on my forehead which is rendered powerless by Love.

And so I Love. And if I say to you, I love you",  please know that I am not just saying, "Hello", or "Good-bye." I am simply honoring the reality that I am accepted and that you are accepted, and that acceptance is the way life is - always.

Am I accepted?  Are you?