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| Passion Flower in Crescent City FL |
Sometimes I get so angry I can't even sort out the source of the eruption of this feeling.
At least four times this past year Anger has taken over and vented its frustration on whomever was around me at the time.
I knew each time it was displaced, belonging to a deep unhealed wound.
One time it was because someone who offered to assist me left me in the lurch.
Another time it was because someone chopped down my flower bushes without discussing it with me.
Another time it was because someone lied about someone else which caused serious damage to her ability to do her job.
Another time it was because everything changed on the national scene and I reached a point where I was even angry at every attempt by the resistance movement.
Most recently, by what seemed to be a blow to my own ego, I just quit a project I was working on.
Not until I listened to my own protest on the injustice of it all did I hear the origin of that Anger which was overwhelming.
One time it was because someone who offered to assist me left me in the lurch.
Another time it was because someone chopped down my flower bushes without discussing it with me.
Another time it was because someone lied about someone else which caused serious damage to her ability to do her job.
Another time it was because everything changed on the national scene and I reached a point where I was even angry at every attempt by the resistance movement.
Most recently, by what seemed to be a blow to my own ego, I just quit a project I was working on.
Not until I listened to my own protest on the injustice of it all did I hear the origin of that Anger which was overwhelming.
Out of the depths I have cried in raw anger. Real tears streamed down my cheeks.
I have never felt relieved by venting my anger. I get even more frustrated by being embarrassed and disappointed by my immature behavior. I even have ignored mindful practice of breathing when I feel Anger taking over.
I have never felt relieved by venting my anger. I get even more frustrated by being embarrassed and disappointed by my immature behavior. I even have ignored mindful practice of breathing when I feel Anger taking over.
Breathing does assist in the disidentification from Anger, and from actually performing the acts of violence I am contemplating. (note: embellishing to emphasize)
Having reached the point where there appears to be no purpose in talking things over, forgiving and forgetting, letting it all go, or getting to the root of the problem (which I already have done a hundred times), I nevertheless am making new decisions.
Mostly I cry instead of lashing out. I might confront with a question instead of letting it go. I vent my frustration instead of creating an alternative. I wish things were different instead of discerning the gift in the reality of it all. But, mostly I cry.
At the same time, I am discovering it is relatively easy to be happy when I am making decisions about how I am going to live my life given the intrusion of events which unjustly change the status quo.
When I do not assume the role of victim, but rather create a response which respects the goodness of the changes, and disregards any presumptions about the intention of that which has caused Anger to surge, I am free.
Having reached the point where there appears to be no purpose in talking things over, forgiving and forgetting, letting it all go, or getting to the root of the problem (which I already have done a hundred times), I nevertheless am making new decisions.
Mostly I cry instead of lashing out. I might confront with a question instead of letting it go. I vent my frustration instead of creating an alternative. I wish things were different instead of discerning the gift in the reality of it all. But, mostly I cry.
At the same time, I am discovering it is relatively easy to be happy when I am making decisions about how I am going to live my life given the intrusion of events which unjustly change the status quo.
When I do not assume the role of victim, but rather create a response which respects the goodness of the changes, and disregards any presumptions about the intention of that which has caused Anger to surge, I am free.
When I understand my own anger, I alleviate the suffering which angry tears express.
Underneath it all, and bottom line, I care with a passion for the love of of this Earth Community.
And this Earth Community happens in these everyday events.
So the truth is, our whole lives are changing and will keep on changing. Some bring Anger to center stage.
When we deal with our responses by the way we live our lives, we are free to be passionate creators of this Earth Community.
When we make that kind of decision, support comes from everywhere.
How do you deal with your anger? Where is the source of your freedom to be the gift that you are to the creative process?
When we make that kind of decision, support comes from everywhere.
How do you deal with your anger? Where is the source of your freedom to be the gift that you are to the creative process?
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