Willing LIfe

African violets - grown from single leaves -  fragile - patiently awaiting new blooms

Recently, I went to the hospital for a simple outpatient procedure which resulted in a touch-and-go life altering week-long stay to stabilize my systems which had been disrupted by an unexpected complication. When I returned home, except for necessary occasions, I remained on my back for two weeks. Now, I am supposed to take it easy until further notice, paying attention to refraining from stressing out physically.

Except for a worn out heart, I am really healthy and maintain a healthy life style. So, this inconvenient turn of expectations was a huge surprise - stopped the world, so to speak!

For five days, I laid prone in the hospital, regularly monitored with adjustments to facilitate balance and healing. Systems began to shut down - oxygen absorption, fluid retention, etc. 

I fell asleep wondering if my time had come and was grateful that I had no unfinished business with all affairs in order and that I was relatively without physical pain. After all, one does die alone, so being alone was fine.

About 3:00 a.m - it must have been a a dream - I awoke to brilliant welcoming light which filled my whole being. I experienced a lightness and effortless movement within.  I watched many hands gently touching me, sending healing energy into  my body filled with this brilliant light.

 I just laid there and let it happen for the longest time.  Then I fell back to sleep,  guessing it must have been the loritab.

On the sixth day, all systems began working fully. I was disconnected from drips, oxygen, and other attachments and was able to eat a real meal.  

On the seventh day, as the doctors came around, they each marveled at the recovery and signed releases  for me to go home.

I will definitely be taking it easy,  allowing ample time and space for a full healing, anticipating trekking to Vermont for a solstice time conference which I have spent two years making happen. Why this happened when I have been having so much fun is beyond my ability to comprehend.

Nevertheless, it happened and there are lessons I have learned by it. I have had a lot of time to reflect on what I really love and have some new images of how I will be proceeding toward fully doing and being what I love, too.

I am willing myself into physical health with the assistance of powerful metaphors, friends who understand this way of living life, and with dreams filled with blissful - yes blissful is the word - anticipation.

I am also willing my behavior patterns toward how I blissfully engage the rest of this one life I have to live and give.  

Is this not what it is all about? At the beginning of each life phase we will what we will be at the time, supported by the purpose for pouring energy into making it happen.  At this end of a life's time, sometimes it takes such events as I have experienced and sometimes it just happens. As long as it happens and this phase of life is given the respect it is due for the potential of loving and being grateful for every precious day we have been given, even with the huge limitations some have - no, that all have - to acknowledge and embrace. 

How about you?  What are you willing for your life? What are your wild anticipations?