Meditation

At the Milltop Tavern in St. Augustine

 

 Like water scooping into the water wheel and then spilling out, with the present constancy of the wheel's turning, so IS the meditation process.

I, too,  meditate.Everyone who meditates as a daily ritual has a way that works best for them.

Most times,  I can quiet my  mind, being mindful of the well spring of never ending images and feelings, and  letting them go as they appear on my consciousness screen

I meditate more effectively with an initial centering and then spending the quiet time with a voice mantra or activity  - like mindfully walking, expressively dancing, stringing on a psaltrey, -- or eating.

Over the twenty years or so of mindful meditation, I have become aware of our fast paced social patterns and all the mindless activity and interaction in which I have participated. Even into the second year of retirement, I find myself getting anxious about meeting a deadline or being somewhere ON TIME.

Monday of this week, I had to report for jury duty at 8:30 am. It takes 30 minutes to get to the courthouse, parked and into the waiting line to be screened.

At 7:25 am, I was sitting down at the table, mindfully consuming a fuit smoothie and piece of almond bread. I thought I was in a peaceful meditative state, mindfully opening my heart to joy as I ate.

Dick entered the room and casually mentioned that it must be close to the time of leaving,

I panicked and spilled the smoothie on the pill organizer, newly filled with a month's supply of "meds to live by" (!). Then tears welled up in my eyes.

There was no reason to panic and no reason to cry. I quickly cleaned up the mess, got ready to leave and got on the road.

I wasn't among the first 25 whose names were picked, and had to wait in the courtroom with 75 others in case the screening of the 25 meant more names to be drawn.

I spent that half hour or so reflecting on the morning's panic attack and cry. I decided that I had clicked into the old have-to-get -to-work modus operandi and was subsequently angry at myself  for it.

After promising myself an occasional imperfection in my new retirement mode, I let it go, grateful for the gift of mindful reflection and ability to disidentify from my attachment to the event's judgment.

Then, with uncanny synchronicity, a judge entered the room to let us go, announcing that there were enough jurors for this week's trials.

What is your relationship to time these days?

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Cancer as The Way LIfe Is

I'd be willing to bet that there isn't one person alive who hasn't encountered cancer in some way or other.

In seven bouts with cancer, I didn't have much support at all from others. In fact, for the most part, I was ignored. I'm sure my being emotionally drained was what others felt when they were around me. I was angry. I'm sure that did not go unnoticed either. Ignored by others and abject FEAR of pain and imminent death almost got the best of me.

However, I learned a lot from those visits with cancer. One lesson cancer taught me is that, even with  support, it is a walk alone through the valley of the shadow of death.

Eventually, I experienced that having cancer was teaching me to care about myself and how I relate to the world around me. I looked into my own interior resources for survival, for relief, for comfort, for assurance. I found all that I needed to give me energy for healing right in my own heart.

A wise woman on the subject of healing, suggested to me, that cancer is creativity turning in on itself, when there is no outlet for expression. Perhaps this is so.

The most difficult occasion was a viral liver cancer. It was also a most creative venture, one that I would  never even have been able to dream of experiencing.

I employed healing music and sound, the healing power of balanced color schemes, healing diet, healing exercise, guided healing imagery, healing relaxation, painting emotions, diary writing, healing affirmations, chakra clearning, plain old exercise, etc., etc., etc.

I spent a lot of heart felt time on bringing the cancer into my own circle of dance, dancing with it, dialoging with it, overcoming my fear of it, becoming one with its being. Plainly put, I let go of any expectations for the outcome and let it just be.

While others around me ignored its presence - and ignored me, I became its best friend, in a way. I got so that it didn't matter if it went away or stayed. I began to experience my self as grateful for being who I am, where I am, and what I am, in the moment.

One day, reflecting on the absurdity of it all, I began to laugh. I was alone and I laughed until my sides ached.What a relief it was to laugh at my self and my circumstance.

My niece has a four year old, Abigail, who has bone marrow cancer. Abigail was born on my birthday, so there is a special place in my heart for her, even though I have yet to meet her.
Her grandmother writes of a really happy little girl that she gets to spend a lot of time with. I suspect that Abigail will be all right. I have a feeling that someday I'll get to meet her. 

But, then, one never knows when a person's time has come.

In the meantime, the journey continues.

And then it is done.

And all is well.

How has cancer affected your life?  What lessons has it taught you?

Why was I born?

Compliments of Kurt Rolfes, Photographer

This photo of an elephant bathing at sunrise holds it all for me - the sun shining on the bathing elephant AND on the cleansing and refreshing spray. The photo as a whole portrays that which is beyond explanation. This elephant is a presence, offering a multitude of meanings from which to choose.

I have been pondering a perspective on the reason for being alive.

This perspective suggests that birth is entering a new incarnation to continue the work of a previous incarnation - that there is a specific reason for being born into this particular body and having particular encounters throughout life and, as well, the reflections and lessons which are learned while here.

This perspective, given what I have experienced in this life's time, got me reflecting on some questions about my own purpose for being here.

• Did I fail to truly love all and forgive all?
• Was I too attached to people, things, or matters of life?
• Am I here to reframe some big unexpected outcome?
• Did I come to learn how to be a mother, a partner, family, neighbor, co-worker? Social change agent?
• Did I come to be a guide to the Higher Self?
• Am I here to face a dread fear of snakes and intimacy?
• Is it this time round that I  learn to dance with the way life is?
• Am I here to learn how to pay attention to my heart's wisdom?

Most certainly YES.

I have many other questions I could ask, but one major purpose for being here that I am sure of is that of learning to trust myself, experiences, others, the way life is - "warts and all!" as being  wondrous gifts I have been given. 

Living this connection with Self - with Soul - is THE ongoing challenge for me.

Have you taken the  opportunity to reflect on your reason for living in this life's time?  What have you discovered? And your greatest challenge is?